tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45016957698695826002024-03-13T09:36:50.530-07:00heroless endeavorHeroless Endeavor.. mindless ramblings of nothing at allMs. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.comBlogger418125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-433878651270900032018-01-01T13:38:00.000-08:002018-01-01T13:38:32.998-08:00Oh Me Oh MyLife, its been quite the journey. As much as I've wanted to get back at this again, I have also been avoiding it. There has just been so much that has happened from my time in North Carolina until now. This is somewhat of a recap I suppose. I left NC with a lot of unwanted baggage. I say this in the most metaphorical way possible.<br />
As most of you all know. I was married to a marine and we lived out in Camp Lejeune. It was a pretty awesome stay as far as the friends and opportunities I had. Unfortunately it was short lived due to my ex-husband not being a very nice person and to some of the PTSD he suffered from that went untreated. Basically the relationship was toxic and abusive. So much so that I lost a lot of who I was in always being on the defensive and sticking up for myself. I'm not saying that is was all his fault. Just as in any relationship, both parties are responsible for nurturing or poisoning. So here I am almost 5 years later living my life and loving it.<br />
I moved on and have two beautiful boys, E (he will be 5 months on the 5th) and N (he turned 3 in September). They are the reason I live and breathe today. I have a wonderful man who treats me with respect, honor and dignity. Not to mention he would never physically harm me. I have what a lot of people dream of. A simple life learning about new things and people. I truly don't know where I would be if I hadn't moved on with my life. Thank God for second chances and sending beautiful people my way. Blessing me with boys and loving me throughout all my faults and disastrous choices. Now I am just learning to be a mommy and a wife.<br />
I'm choosing to go a completely different direction with my blog. I am no longer that person who is stuck in sorrow. I am free and happy and want to discover all the great things that come with being a mommy and wife. So stay tuned and be ready to hear a the little anecdotes and all the silly things we do. I hope you enjoy this and who knows maybe some post can be of some assistance to someone. I'm sure I will be asking for help and advice. This parenting thing isn't easy. I struggle everyday. Thanks for reading!Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-16055671891268081322013-12-11T23:37:00.003-08:002013-12-11T23:37:56.508-08:00life updateMy hiatus has been necessary. But believe me I have missed this place.. It seems this is where I come to clear my head. Turns out I won't be going to Hawaii for personal reasons. I may get into it at a later time. I am happily living in Iowa with my family awaiting Christmas and loathing the cold. I have learned more about myself in the last 6 months than I have in a lifetime; at least that's how it seems. I have learned to be happy and discovered so much about myself. I work two jobs and love them both. I work hard to get where I need to be and do what I have to do. I am a survivor and I take pride in that. My walls were crumbling and just as I thought the debris was going to crush me I looked up and saw that there was so much more I was missing behind those walls. I am running forward and doing all the things that I was not able to do. Grabbing and taking advantage of the things that come my way. Here is a little look into my world<br />
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<b>first picture in the new house</b>. </div>
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<b>AJ Torres doing her thing for Raw in Omaha</b> </div>
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<b>My first tattoo</b></div>
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<b>Raw omaha</b></div>
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<b>Halloween</b></div>
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CAR</div>
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<b>Necalli's 1st b-day</b></div>
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<br />Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-5755170256411598562013-10-03T23:31:00.001-07:002013-10-03T23:31:59.097-07:00National Domestic Violence Awareness MonthOctober is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I must say that means something to me. More than something. It is said that every 9 seconds in the US alone a woman is assaulted or beaten. That is a horrifying truth. What had happened to this world. I know that this kind of treatment has been around dating back to biblical times but it just seems to be disgustingly ramped these days. Where is the respect parents should be teaching their children? Where is worth? <br />
It saddens my heart to know many of us women have to go through this daily. I can only speak from personal aspects but as a child I saw the affects a man can have on a woman. Diminishing her until she lost her value. She meant nothing to herself. Imagine words spewing like venom, telling lies like "no one else will love you", "Who else would want you?", "You're worthless." Many women have to live with this type of degrading reality. Yes we can set our worth but when you hear the same things over and over by someone who is supposed to love you, you can't help but believe it. Eventually you get comfortable in your own pain. You get comfortable getting treated that way and just accept it. Living day in and day out deep inside of yourself. After awhile breaking out seems impossible and lonely. But words are just the beginning. It turns to mind games and then physical. <br />
Remember everything always starts small but it won't stop there no matter how sorry they say they are or how much they try and do to make up for it. My mother once told me once a man goes down that road with a woman and knows he can get away with it, he won't stop. I believe her. That is not love. Love doesn't make you feel pain, love doesn't cause you to hate yourself. Love should be uplifting. Maybe not always rainbows and butterflies but it should always give you a reason to smile in the rough moments. It should make you stronger together. <br />
Think about this, everyday in the US at least 3 women are killed by their husbands/boyfriends. Any life lost is to much. How can someone be so cruel. There is no excuse no matter the reason they are mad. Get out while you can. Don't be a statistic. You are better than that. No matter who you are, no matter what your story is, You can survive. If you can't get out alone, don't be afraid to ask for help. If the first person doesn't help you KEEP asking. Someone will. Do it for yourself, for your kids. Do it because you deserve better. <br />
you can click on this link <a href="http://www.thehotline.org/">http://www.thehotline.org/</a> or call this number 1-800-799-7233 <br />
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you have a voice, you are not <a href="http://www.roosevelt.edu/News_and_Events/News_Articles/RR/FA2011/RR-FA11-FightForChange.aspx" target="_blank">alone</a></div>
Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-13139421651271783502013-09-22T00:01:00.001-07:002013-09-22T00:01:32.064-07:00I had to share this.. love it! <iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/cwGq-uy0bhI" width="459"></iframe><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">The kid on the left is gettin it! I know the video about area says something about Mexico but I was told these kids are from Argentina.. It doesn't matter they are super cute. </div>Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-60833474372006897332013-09-21T23:28:00.002-07:002013-09-21T23:28:43.556-07:00aut viam inveniam aut faciam - I will either find a way or make one<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Spending the night listening to his amazing voice and journaling. I really feel like this may get the things I need to get out, out. I find that Everything tends to hit me at the weirdest of times. I want to cry when I least expect it. It just creeps up and scares the heck out of me. I really do hate feelings sometimes.. If I am honest I can't even figure out what is the pin point of my sadness. Yes there is a big picture but what is the real reason? So my journal is filling up pretty quickly with some kind of message from my heart. Even so I am afraid to be completely honest. Little by little, day by day I know I will discover it all.<br />
In other news, I have acquired 2 jobs. I have a feeling I may be tired for some time but it will be so worth it. I embrace the busy schedule and the ability to achieve things which is my ultimate goal. Fulfill some dreams. whether it be concerts or cosplay.. or something even bigger that I will keep to myself until I get there. I am making time for me. Much needed time. Lots of coffee here I come ;)<br />
Life has a real funny way of laughing at me and throwing a few things my way. There are plenty of people who fade in life and a few you choose to keep close or they choose to stay close.I suppose we will find out when we look back on life who will make the cut.<br />
But I can say I have some tattoos in my future. I can't wait to get them. I have waited this long to make sure I knew what I wanted and I think I found the beginning of a new addiction.<br />
Also, I think I would love a piece of pumpkin cheesecake and a nice glass of Moscato. yumm.<br />
XOXOXOMs. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-12491178582341119782013-09-09T01:35:00.001-07:002013-09-09T01:35:50.870-07:00bedtime music, can you see what kind of mood i am in. ;)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-91156765798004756412013-09-09T01:12:00.001-07:002013-09-09T01:12:30.759-07:00peaceful freedom<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=tYQT0PRxNt9l-M&tbnid=ZNAJdUc8e2VQ_M:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.tumblr.com%2Ftagged%2Falicia-keys-lyrics&ei=joItUubJEYSAqQGPzIC4BQ&bvm=bv.51773540,d.aWM&psig=AFQjCNFp3DCV0PERZ_BBg_gJf5JOXZ-Yfw&ust=1378800626020391" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor;"><img height="340" id="irc_mi" src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/aea69c082265f98a873a037560baad31/tumblr_mj5e04ZhNe1qjms8xo1_500.png" style="margin-top: 28px;" width="500" /></a><br />
I've found freedom in what's broken<br />
little pieces of shrapnel being remolded together. <br />
My heart is free to skip those little beats,<br />
my lips are capable of lifting into a smile.<br />
<br />
I have found my strength in the piled garbage<br />
Just needed to do a little sifting.<br />
Beauty has once again been returned to me.<br />
Confidence runs through these veins.<br />
<br />
No more condemning eyes<br />
no more sly remarks.<br />
I'm passed the empty backlashes <br />
and gritting teeth.<br />
<br />
It's remarkable, what a little time can bring you.<br />
what delight you can once again find in the simple.<br />
I remember how to breathe (inhale-exhale)<br />
my steps are patterned by my own desire, not that of another's.<br />
<br />
I have taken my liberty and I have decided to run<br />
I will not be drawn back or distracted.<br />
Wasted time is no longer an option.<br />
I belong to me. I am mine. <br />
<br />
On this day I declare peaceful freedom. My name is Anastasia and that means something. I will surely rise again. I was chosen for this day and age. I was chosen to live the life I have lived. I chose to make each and every decision that led up to misfortunes, disappointments, blessing, experiences. I may not have been fully in control of each step along the way but I did play a role in them. I have a purpose and I am determined to find what it is. Whether it be to make someone smile, or change the world. I will embrace what ever it maybe. I may still have broken pieces in me but I will mend. I maybe left with tarnishes and cracks but I will embrace each and every one because I know I fought to lift myself up. I had help along the way by a few of the most amazing people who I have ever encountered. I will be forever grateful. Words will never be able to fully express my gratitude. I thank you for helping me see that there was more to who i had become. XOXOXO Anastasia MarieMs. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-39808374260877402742013-09-08T22:44:00.001-07:002013-09-08T22:44:24.573-07:00ramblings about females and swear wordsI have found myself to be quite sexist on certain things. Like swear words.. I really don't care about them when a man says them, unless it is just too much. Like every other word.. that just gets old. But when a woman, girl, female whatever has a potty mouth it really, really bugs me. I find it un-lady like and just not classy. I feel we as women should hold ourselves up and choose to be respectable. For years my sex wanted to be on the same level as a man but do we really need to sound and look like them? I feel men are supposed to be the man! If I am in a relationship I certainly do not want a man who sounds girlier than I do or I don't want to sounds more manly than he is. We really should stop referring to each other as Bitch, Hoe, Hooker, etc. I mean if we don't respect each other who will. You do not look tougher saying the F bomb. Now I am not saying that it is completely off limits but just keep it limited! Be beautiful inside and out. A bad mouth and attitude can make the prettiest of people look like garbage. <br />
<img class="CSS_LIGHTBOX_SCALED_IMAGE_IMG" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg26i3_khXCsHbj8FRAUUMNqZhvo2XO47YvuXg5Ts9S66v4rRyuX_VLyk7sS17seTqeEqt2qjfAiK_xFughlVUVu9CoqBFLEp4K38dUtzgh0FuRviSn5bA7krAfqCMRY5ks_ZCac1ZzzkFD/s1600/no_swearing.jpg" style="height: 400px; width: 400px;" width="400" />Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-40507541533117919832013-09-07T22:57:00.001-07:002013-09-07T22:57:49.095-07:00Out of the Darkness<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;">So today my friend April shared this with me and it meant a lot. She is helping to support the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). Please read her letter and consider donating to the cause. To many people die everyday for reasons we may not understand. It hurts my heart that people can feel so alone that they think there is no other way. I have had suicide touch close to me and every year it seems more and more people choose to use it as an escape. So many young people especially. The causes are vast and wide but if we can just help one person it will be worth it. Fight for life. Remember to always consider other people. You have no idea what is going on in others' lives. They could feel that they are on their last limb and you would never know. We have become masters of disguise. We can fool others we are ok when we are beyond broken and lost. Smile and people, say hello. We live in a lonely world where electronics and work control our everyday. God Bless You and remember no amount is too small. Thank you so much for taking your time to read this. xoxoxo Anastasia</span></span></div>
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Dear Friends,</div>
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I will be joining with thousands of people nationwide this September to walk in the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's (AFSP) Out of the Darkness Community Walk.</div>
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My personal fundraising goal is $150. I would appreciate any support that you give me for this worthwhile cause.</div>
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I lost my brother, Dalton, to suicide this past October. AFSP has provided me with information to help me understand my grieving process. They've also provided support and groups to connect with others who understand what we're going through. They've helped make a terrible situation, slightly better.</div>
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The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is at the forefront of research, advocacy, education and prevention initiatives designed to reduce loss of life from suicide. With more than 38,000 lives lost each year in the U.S. and over one million worldwide, the importance of AFSP's mission has never been greater, nor our work more urgent.</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
I hope you will consider supporting my participation in this event. Any contribution will help the work of AFSP, and all donations are 100% tax deductible.</div>
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Donating online is safe and easy! To make an online donation click the "Support Me" link in this email and then click the "Support Me" button on my fundraising page. If you would rather donate by check please make the check payable to AFSP and mail it in with the offline donation form. </div>
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Thank you for considering this request for your support. If you have any questions about the Out of the Darkness Community Walks or AFSP do not hesitate to contact me <a href="http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=411855" target="_blank">(here)</a> or visit
<a class="_553k" href="http://www.afsp.org/" rel="nofollow" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">www.afsp.org</a></div>
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God bless,
April Lewie</div>
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Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-14382235238192503592013-09-02T22:33:00.001-07:002013-09-02T22:33:18.852-07:00Happy 2nd Birthday to my BUG!!!Today was my bugs birthday. He turned 2 today! I can't believe it. It blows my mind how much he picks up. I am so thankful he is in our lives. He knows how to brighten my day without even trying. I don't know what our family would be without him. My little Malachi. Just think in a few years he will be taller then me and no longer my little bug! I cannot think of such a day :( but for now I love his innocence. He has this obsession with trains and elmo. he loves to sing and dance. He just loves life. And I love him more then words can say. of course there are pictures of baby Emma because she is too cute to leave out! XOXOXO Anastasia <br />
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When we first met</div>
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brofists HULK style</div>
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Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-12308678128134929062013-09-02T21:38:00.001-07:002013-09-02T21:53:27.706-07:00lifelight and tons of pictures!This Labor Day weekend has been pretty awesome.. I got to go to Lifelight this year and see some pretty incredible bands play. (For Today, Children 18:3, Flyleaf, Disciple, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, and I found a new band that I like. They are Phinehas!) I was pretty stoked when the lead singer followed my instagram. Like a giddy little girl, and to think its all because I spelled their band name wrong.. oops;) Anyways it is always a good time to hang out with my brothers especially when there is Epic music involved. I always tend to surprise people with my music.. but I like it like that. I may look girl but do I know how to rock! I was up close and personal for For Today and then I was so hyped I had to move to the back to dance and mosh. It was fantastic. People who don't understand moshing have never tried it! and if you have and still don't like it try doing it while your stressed or angry. It is a fantastic feeling releaser. I only fell once. The good thing about lifelight is people actually stop and help you up. I have seen people get trampled at other shows. By the end of the night we were filthy, sweaty and happy. <br />
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PHINEHAS</div>
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FOR TODAY</div>
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So dirty after Friday night</div>
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The coolest mask there</div>
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Thousand Foot Krutch</div>
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Doin it right</div>
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My "STARS IN STEREO" shirt</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
So many people</div>
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CHILDREN 18:3</div>
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Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-24376881554277989102013-08-28T01:33:00.000-07:002013-08-28T01:33:24.604-07:00.....Anticipation, waiting.<br />
watching for my wish upon a shooting star kind of night.<br />
the moment to dance in the rain.<br />
for the courage to sing in a crowd.<br />
<br />
the thought of time never being there,<br />
the hope i hold, will it pass or will i hold on to it like life.<br />
will i get the chance to be super woman<br />
to light the dark.<br />
<br />
expectations, failure is not an option.<br />
shattered dreams sewn together with floss.<br />
beating heart that sounds like a drum<br />
bouncing nerves shake my knees to the ground.<br />
<br />
air leaves my lungs, burning deep inside.<br />
waking up to the silence the murmurs so loud in my hear<br />
whispering lies and lonliness<br />
strange how this feels comforting.<br />
<br />
<br />Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-57186327790010429582013-08-22T23:14:00.002-07:002013-08-22T23:14:15.254-07:00He is We Tonight is a He is We night. If you don't know who they are you are missing out. But that may be the sappy girl in me. They are considered Indy Pop and got started on social media. How awesome the internet can be for discovery. Somehow I just love the rain songs :)<br />
<br />
our july in the rain<br />
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blame it on the rain<br />
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<br />
it on the rain<br />
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kiss it betterMs. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-63657972160195963262013-08-19T23:22:00.001-07:002013-08-19T23:22:20.778-07:00fifth harmony<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-25147068330112893142013-08-19T00:06:00.001-07:002013-08-19T00:06:57.771-07:00Placebo running up that hill<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-15068778764407680552013-08-18T00:10:00.002-07:002013-08-18T00:10:12.190-07:00late night thoughtsI have come to the point in my life where I am starting a new chapter. Not just any chapter. it's one I feel that will define where and what I do for the rest of my life. I am a mess right now and I know I have to figure out where the tracks to my life are but once I get on you better believe there is no stopping me. I have goals that I have decided to set and I am going to write them down, try to carry them with me everywhere I go just as a reminder that I am working for something. There is always a reason for things and why they happen. I may not know what comes next but I will embrace it with as much as I can. Refocus my life. I know that pain is for a reason and only for a season. I just hope this season passes quickly. I have to keep telling myself that change is a good thing even if its painful. Eventually I hope I can be completely honest on here but for right now I have to keep some discretion. I need complete healing but I don't really know how to get it. My God is bigger than my problems. This I know and believe will my whole heart. I will become more than I am now. I will be stronger than I am and have the courage I need to step out and make my way. Some things are just not what we think they should be in life and it's ok. I know its ok to feel, to cry, to scream, to just keep going. but I wish things were easier than this. I suppose if it were easy to handle I wouldn't learn nearly as much. I am terrified, emotional, heartbroken, angry, anxious, and silent. throughout today i found times to keep my mind busy but when i couldn't i was pacing and crying. i finally had to step away from the world and clear my head. so here i am after a movie and thoughts. I feel weird talking to the world yet only to myself but this is my beginning. pleasant dreamsMs. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-16124271523371000242013-08-17T02:09:00.001-07:002013-08-17T02:09:24.134-07:00Micheal Castro "In Pieces"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I gave you all that i had </div>
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you took it all for granted</div>
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shattered all our chances</div>
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and left me there in fragments</div>
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well maybe there's a piece of me </div>
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that hasn't healed completely</div>
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maybe i still care about you</div>
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but that don't matter now.....</div>
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don't you see there's not another chance</div>
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there's no sense of going back to where it all began</div>
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Don't you understand I had to learn to love again</div>
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Now let my heart rest in pieces.</div>
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Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-53673010906170540552013-08-12T21:31:00.006-07:002013-08-12T21:31:58.318-07:00top 5 English songs this week <span style="text-align: center;">1) <b><i>Panic at the Disco- this is gospel</i></b> (lyrics- </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">Cause these words are nice enough to leave scars</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;"> For fear of falling apart</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;"> And truth be told I never was yours</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;"> For fear for fear of falling apart)</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><div>
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2)<b><i>Madean- The city</i></b> (I want to participate in this kind of war. how much fun would it be!)<br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;" /></div>
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<span style="text-align: center;">3)<b><i>Paramore- Now</i></b> (love the video)</span><br />
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4)<b><i> Del Amitri</i></b>- Roll to me<br />
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<span style="text-align: center;">5)<b><i>Mr. Big- to be with you</i></b> (one of my all time favorites)</span><br />
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Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-78693570931519276662013-08-09T23:27:00.000-07:002013-08-09T23:27:56.839-07:00dear apathy where are you?<div style="text-align: center;">
I scramble trying to fix myself.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Trying to kick back the desire to just bleed. </div>
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all day i was fine and then when night falls i fall to pieces.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
pathetic little dull pieces.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The line i have drawn seems to have split me into two. My head screams and my body aches. I don't even really know how to feel, how not to feel.. am i supposed to be crying like this??? am i supposed to be angry and disgusted. disgusted with who i am. disgusted with how i feel. My rage yells at my weakness.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Worth, what is self worth anyways. I know we shouldn't base it on what others see... but lets be honest that's what we do. We look to others for direction. we measure our selves with what people tend to see. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
life's full of hurts and disappointments. that i know but when does it stop. when can there just be some peace.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
every time i try and sew up one seeping wound another tends to open. why can't i just lose my heart and never find it again i don't want feeling. or emotion. Why is emptiness so much harder to find? </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
i wish i could go back to the deep places in my head. so i wont have to remember what this feels like. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
i don't know if i ever want this again. i don't know if i will ever try again. right now the world is chaos and i am in the eye of a storm just waiting to be sucked up in the debris. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
oh how so many things are now forbidden to me. time will pass i may heal, i may scar, i may bleed from time to time but i know it will never go away... </div>
Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-71880888898774337332013-08-06T00:56:00.000-07:002013-08-06T00:56:36.091-07:00songs that i am listening to.. im a mess<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-47591286269313079912013-08-05T23:49:00.002-07:002013-08-05T23:49:30.289-07:00baby WalterThis probably one of the saddest stories I have read in a long time. I feel for this family and what they are going through. the loss of anyone especially a child is brutal. But I appreciate them showing that at just 14 weeks a baby is a baby. They have a body, blood running through veins at just 3 weeks you can see the eyes and spinal chord. that's 3 whole weeks. most women don't know they are pregnant for at least a couple months. A heartbeat. I can never truly understand why anyone would choose to take their child's life. I know some will argue rape but in reality are less then 1%. take that from more than 1 million abortions performed every year. How much longer will we say life is not valuable? No one wants to hear about what really happens to these beautiful children. There are countless pictures that clearly show these babies in agony. Whether its from being ripped apart or from being stabbed in the head and collapsing the skull. Why is it that its ok for a mother to kill her own baby but if someone kills a pregnant woman its a double homicide? Who are we to play God and take away someone's right to live. I know I have talked about this a few other times but I cant help but be passionate. These children could be the ones to save the world and we just write them off and the world turns their back on them. <br />
We glorify Planned Parenthood and accept it as a form of birth control. Margaret Sanger who is PP's founder once said "The most merciful thing that a family does to one of its infant members is to kill it." If that doesn't say anything about a person I don't know what does. There are so many families who want babies but can't have their own. Please don't be selfish and give a child a fighting chance. I understand things happen but don't let a child pay for what has happened to you or what you did. <br />
Read the story of baby <a href="http://f2photographybylexi.wordpress.com/2013/06/26/walter-joshua-fretz/" target="_blank">Walter</a><br />
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Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-52372224450035867512013-08-05T18:53:00.000-07:002013-08-05T18:53:27.018-07:00Kansas city <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Love these things! plus my hair looks super long. </div>
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Tapioca pearls so I can make bubble tea</div>
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the really awesome Asian market in Kansas City </div>
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I love macarons</div>
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My first time at noodles and company</div>
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Christian and I</div>
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My bug</div>
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Look at this hipster</div>
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my totally awesome shirt</div>
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Daniel and I</div>
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Is this sign absolute or can we test it.</div>
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my siblings being weird</div>
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Santa!</div>
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such a long day</div>
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bun head</div>
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Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-30170453585648585962013-07-17T23:19:00.000-07:002013-07-17T23:50:34.680-07:00oh the happeningsPlease forgive my absence. But I have something that may make you smile. My little brother is such a character. He has finally learned to say Sissy Ana... which I don't care for the name Ana but he is excused because he can't say Anastasia yet.. lets face it.. It beats Thatcha by a million.. My sisters name is Michaela so we said to call her sissy Kyky.. he says Sissy Caca.. makes me laugh every time. glad I don't have that name. Anyways here are some photographs of things happening around here.. :) Anastasia<br />
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He thought he was big stuff</div>
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Bought this with my brother, its actually really good. </div>
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so Yummy.. </div>
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her first time in the pool.. she loved it. splashed all over</div>
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so much chubb I love it</div>
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He was being grown. </div>
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been jammin out </div>
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Reading in the park</div>
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Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-16596106017338621932013-07-05T21:03:00.002-07:002013-07-05T21:03:27.644-07:00happy late Independence DayThis 4th of July marked some significant happenings here with our family. Not only was it my sister Michaela's 21st birthday but her boyfriend Brian purposed to her. He had told us about it about a week ago and we were trying to keep silent until yesterday.. it was definitely difficult. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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on another note. I am proud to live in the country that I live in. I was blessed to be born in the United States of America where I am free to be who I want and write or say what is true. I know that things seem to be taking a turn for the worst right now but I have to be positive and believe we will go back to the America I know we once were. The America countless men and women have died for. God Bless America and all those who call her home. </div>
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Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4501695769869582600.post-36127829437432864252013-07-03T11:55:00.001-07:002013-07-03T11:59:50.811-07:00holy crap pictures!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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my stud of a brother :)</div>
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my lil monkey</div>
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totally made cinnamon bread! it was delish</div>
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yummm!</div>
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my bruised hand from volleyball</div>
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my sissy</div>
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Christian and I tried bubble tea for the first time! it was so good</div>
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I am going to get me one of these! I love lilies and this is a Tropical Bronze Scarlet Canna Lily</div>
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My bugs converses! I think the are awesome</div>
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my mom has these in her yard, talk about heaven</div>
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<br />Ms. Anastasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348684701132818763noreply@blogger.com0