heroless endeavor

Right now all I can think about is how much my world is swirling and crumbling all around me. Everything I've grown accustomed to has hit the fan and seemed to have shattered into a billion pieces. As strong as I carry myself and as stubborn as I pretend to be I feel I feel like I'm suffocating. Like someone is playing games with my lungs, grasping and releasing just to see me suffer. If there is one thing I have learned about myself in my 25 years of life it is this; I will always make it through. I know I will take lessons learned and parts of me may change in the learning but I will gain strength. I will learn new ways to protect the deepest parts of me. I have faced plenty alone and I will always be prepared to take on the world solo. With that being said, I sill feel like parts of me are bleeding. It seems as though while one wound is healing another is being created.

          Be my friend Hold me, wrap me up Unfold me I am small I'm needy Warm me up And breathe me

Running straight for the door. The padlock has finally broken. I am no longer a prisoner of myself. The weights on my legs, They weigh me down. Inch by agonizing inch I make my way. Got stronger with each stride, I'm no longer a coward. I'm not afraid to fight. There's an itch in my ear that begs me to stay. Lingering in between. Do I stay captive? Will I run for freedom? They say only the strongest survive, Do I posses that strength? Am I grasping on to empty hope? Am I just filled with obligation? I will teeter here in this frame. The terror is I can't decide. Only I am to blame, Only I can choose.

I heard this on the radio today and liked it so much. I am a fan of the Muse anyways but this is probably gonna become my new favorite song.. I can't wait to get their new album.         "Now I have finally realized I need to love."

The song of time beats out of rhyme. It holds my hand and tells me to stand. Stand for right. Stand for just. Keep pushing forward. Never give up. I twirl passed you. Passed my enemy. The one who took my voice and left me with no choice. Calm and collective I'm dancing my steps. Holding myself together. You should know I will NEVER forget.

misfit creature never ending space you will never be good enough you will never find grace   kicked pushed keep walking away keep your distance for I know it's my heart that will sway   life love  do they exist can they coincide can I find them in the mist   hope pray where will they lead to pain and disappointment? or perhaps joy, a girl can dream.   never good enough 

it is a tracy chapman type of night.. makes me wonder the things i can give if i was allowed to. if given the opportunity to love fully, without reservation... can I truly give complete happiness.. i would love too. to be the full desire.. the thoughts that go through my head late at night. "But you can say baby Baby can I hold you tonight Maybe if I told you the right words At the right time you'd be mine."

Think Like a Man, where do I even begin. It was overall a good movie as far as movies go. It was unrealistic in my view, but what movie isn't. Yes it was all about coming into a relationship steps ahead of a man. All these men who are willing to wine and dine just for the purpose of war. Maybe I just don't know much but as far as I know most men wouldn't bother spending the money on a woman he just set out to prove wrong. There were a few times when I got made at the characters in the movie. Like the woman who was all about money and didn't realize the amazing person who was right in front of her. She was with him and thought she saw something "better" more successful. Threw a good person away just to appease her appetite for riches. It literally makes me sick to know there are truly people who can be so heartless. You really shouldn't play with people in such a way. I mean sure I would love someone to put me up there and give me unexpected things. Not ...