heroless endeavor

thanks for leaving.. making me feel like i did something im sorry if i did. but now you 've erased me completely. ill wait for you to talk to me. but it might never happen again. please dont feel alone... when you do know im here.. not that it matters to you but you can always come and talk to me.. even if its 20 years later... now i know what it feels like to be erased.

my favorite pictures my awesome shirt mischeivious i love her smile MI PAPI MONKIES... all the snow some of the cutest girls in the world mi prima Aurelia y yo

so im sitting here and its 12:47 and everyone in my house is still awake except my dad.. my aunt Misty (my mothers younger sister) and her family are here from Omaha.. this is the first family we've had any of our family here other than my grandma in a very long time.. its nice but it kind of makes me sad. o well.. anyways the night has been filled with food... presents... my wonderful little cousins Aurelia and Maria... and crazy stories.. my aunt is filled with them.. though im happy to say im still her favorite... bahaha but dont tell anyone. well according to my grandma we are mostly swedish and french.. bahaha i didnt even know i was french.. i know i have italian and native american and a bazzilion other things.... obviously im mexican. ooo these days.. i hate the cold and the ssnow..brrr..

there were secrets in the snow.. come and play it taunted but something about its soft luster seemed so dangerously wicked. staring from my window.. i wonder, will i have the courage the will power to face this.. the white demon that blows in the wind.

my heart is just for decoration at least thats what he told me. something he could carrie and show the world a possesion that meant nothing. he threatened to collapse it in his fists. he told me that i had no control. "your nothing without me" with each pulsating motion his grip grew tighter. he was afraid that i'd learn the truth my heart could never be his and he'd gain nothing even in its death. but fear forbade me to move. not an inch did he give me. deprived of oxygen i was caused to shrivel to die, to become nothing not even a memory. lost in this oblivion with all the others who'd come before me.

it seems to me you created your own romeo and juliet. falling in love.. an endless romance for sure batteling the world and all of its blows. fighting to stay together. secretly meeting her in the darkest, most romantic scenes. caressing her head while she lays on your chest. listening as she breathes softly in her deepest slumber knowing her forever would be yours. this forbidden romance, the ones every soul dreams of. its yours for the keeping.. diligently you battle to keep her as yours. she tells you to run "dont worry my love , for when you return my eternity is yours" you do as she says, knowing its gonna be a struggle knowing you wont be able to touch her or see her for some time. as your pacing in this far away hiding place you get word she has moved on. you heart beats faster and you make the decision your life is worth nothing without her. in your search you find what you refuse to accept. there she is with another man. you beg and you plead. after all you know her...

I think its quite interesting that people are freaking about the world ended in 2012... and they claim its a mayan prediction.. hmmm Mayans NEVER predicted the worlds end... that was just a myth that the western civilization thought up .. its funny how easily people will believe garbage.. i guess thats what happens when we have free will.. o well