Skip to main content

jiggle jello

some nights i just feel inadequat...im unable to sleep though im sooo very tired i figured i'd write a lil something.. im actually angry at myself and my appearance. i feel huge.. and I KNOW every female complains they are fat.. but today it just gets to me... i want to be beautiful. i want to be able to fit in a freakin size 5 jean and not wonder if ill ever pull out that 2 piece again. trust me its been hiding for about 6 years now.. i dont want to have to worry about gaining weight or someday becoming grossly obese.. though i know i would never allow that to happen. i would honestly starve myself before that came about.. but right now i want to be that other person. the one i just saw in those pictures.. or at least that size... my everything is just tooo big.. everything except my self esteem... time to get down to business and get rid of all this grossness.. (i know that cant be a word). tear.... *

p.s. even when your just joking those fat jokes still get to me...
Labels:

Comments

  1. Luis FuentesFebruary 1, 2010 at 11:05 PM

    I wish you knew you were more beautiful than most girls..

    guess you never will.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Casita Mujeres.

I havent written much on my trip to Honduras and I'm not exactly sure why. Here is my first attempt. The one outreach that sticks out in my mind and I'm sure everyone else's was when we went to CASITA MUJERES. It was a "home" for young girls from the ages of maybe 6-18. On this day Pastor Chace asked me if I would give my testimony. Now in my head I'm thinking "are you serious" but I of course say yes. This is my first time ever to give the story of what made me who I am today. That whole day I was so nervous, anyone who knows me also knows that I'm not one to really get nervous about anything. Just the thought of exposing who I am to a whole crowd of people including those from church and my siblings, it just made me feel vulnerable. Our bus is driving on down the road to our destination when we notice a traffic jam. Great it's already hot and sweaty and now there is no movement for the air to circulate through the bus. I guess it was exactl...
2 comments
older posts

Insecure

For various reasons that don't directly deal with me, I have come to think upon a few things. I am speaking from a female perspective but I come to assume that insecurities seem to stem from the same type of problems. Everyday we deal with people who have a huge impact on us personally, people that we love, people who's opinions matter. When their persepective of us has been scewed in anyway we tend to take it to heart. It's human nature to take their words and feel them deeper than they should be. So when they speak of or to us in a way thats negative we will begin to perceive ourselves in a negative manner. Or when we come to find that those persons have done you wrong we begin to think there must be something I'm missing. Each and everything they do affects us. If a person cheats, we think; something MUST be wrong with us. If a person lies to us, we wonder why we were not worth the truth. What could we have done to prevent them from going off and doing us wrong? They...
Post a Comment
older posts

i am not so naive

Sometime I wish people would learn not to underestimate me. When I want to get somewhere or get something accomplished I am very capable of doing so. Of course there are always limitations and set backs but I know how to push through it. I lived in a time where our money was tight and we had very little but we made it through.. Just because I am where I am today and don't look like i have ever had to fight my way out of the bottom doesn't mean anything. Looks can and are deceiving. Of course I don't believe in telling what most would call a "sob" story. I am not one who looks for a pity party.. But please know that I do know what it is like to go without in many aspects. I embrace that time in my life and it has taught me to be thankful of what I have. I will never forget it but I also will never return. Was it by choice and my own doing?? Of course not, who chooses to go without? Being born into it is one thing.. but staying in it is another. We all make decision...
Post a Comment
older posts