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one last shed

somehow im so emotional yet so.... dead. i resist all feeling, im told "its not healthy to keep it all inside". i hate that when im upset, angry or sad that i dont know why. when someone asks me whats wrong all i can say is "i dont know". and most dont believe me and press the issue. but if i have nothing to tell you what can i do. i never cry.. ever.. i hate it. i dont mind when other people do. but for me to cry, its like the ultimate no, no. but there was a day when thats all i did.. i weeped and cried. i havent been like that in so long. it was the littlest things. songs. or thoughts. just anything made me tear up. when i was asked "crying makes you feel better doesnt it?" truth is for me it really doesnt. though i wish i could be one of those girls who can just crawl into someones arms and shed these unwanted nothings.. but i dont know how. i dont know how to talk. i dont know how to let anyone know whats going through my head. i honestly wish i could just let it go. i just want to cry in your arms... whoever you are.. anyone who could show me how to make this easier. to make me feel that its ok to do so...

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