I lost...

There's an excitement in my eyes
And there's movement in my belly.
Could it be?
Yes its finally true
I'm going to be a mommy!
I'm already going through names.
Will it be a boy or a girl?!
Can't wait to meet this little person inside of me.
I play music on my tummy and speak to my baby softly.
Soon enough little one, you will help make my life completely.

The time has come for my heart to enter this world.
The doctors are speaking rapidly but no one is saying anything to me.
My heart is beating out of my chest.
Fear takes over every inch.
They rush me away and slip me in and out of sleep.
I wake and all is quiet.
Where is my baby?
beep, beeeep, beeep.
Its a noise that pierces my ears.
All around are sad hollow eyes.
I know, I already know.
Tears start to sting my eyes as a woman starts to speak.
I hear nothing, I only see her lips move.

I can't help but weep
Is there a way to feel dead without literally dying?
I'm sure this is what its like.
They wouldn't even let me see her; hold her.

They keep telling me it wasn't my fault, "these things happen".
They shouldnt ! Not to me anyways.
Why me? Why her?
I slip away from reality.
I fall from everything.
They tell me time heals everything... time seems to take forever.