late night thoughts

I have come to the point in my life where I am starting a new chapter. Not just any chapter. it's one I feel that will define where and what I do for the rest of my life. I am a mess right now and I know I have to figure out where the tracks to my life are but once I get on you better believe there is no stopping me. I have goals that I have decided to set and I am going to write them down, try to carry them with me everywhere I go just as a reminder that I am working for something. There is always a reason for things and why they happen. I may not know what comes next but I will embrace it with as much as I can. Refocus my life. I know that pain is for a reason and only for a season. I just hope this season passes quickly. I have to keep telling myself that change is a good thing even if its painful. Eventually I hope I can be completely honest on here but for right now I have to keep some discretion. I need complete healing but I don't really know how to get it. My God is bigger than my problems. This I know and believe will my whole heart. I will become more than I am now. I will be stronger than I am and have the courage I need to step out and make my way. Some things are just not what we think they should be in life and it's ok. I know its ok to feel, to cry, to scream, to just keep going. but I wish things were easier than this. I suppose if it were easy to handle I wouldn't learn nearly as much. I am terrified, emotional, heartbroken, angry, anxious, and silent. throughout today i found times to keep my mind busy but when i couldn't i was pacing and crying. i finally had to step away from the world and clear my head. so here i am after a movie and thoughts. I feel weird talking to the world yet only to myself but this is my beginning. pleasant dreams