heroless endeavor

im always missing wordless wednesday... so here is the va lentines present my friend Arcelia got me.. i love them all (the bracelets) what can i say i'm easily pleased.. :D

not that i completely agree with this.. but i think it was beautiful. the fact that a man could fall in love with a girl, a woman who had no self esteem and tried to find love with men who only used her. that was the only "love" she had ever known. every man she had "been"with used her for sex and nothing more. when someone who was worth her while came she coward in fear. afraid that he could really love her. beautiful ending... I took a deep breath and stammered out, "I was asking myself when you'd want to make love." He was silent and I was mortified. I felt my cheeks burn. "No Melissa, love, I'm not the one who should decide if and when we do it. It'll be you and me, together." He smiled. I gazed at him, astonished, and he realized my stunned look begged him to continue. "Because you see, when two people join it is the height of spirituality, and this can be achieved only if they love e...

movie and breakfast for dinner.. numm "can i sit by the girl that i like" big kiss little kiss little hug big hug (Nacho libre )

"i wish, i wish, i can bear no longer goblin king goblin king where ever you maybe take this child of mine far away from me. " i wish the goblin king was in love with me.. sigh* guess im not so lucky its hopeless asking you anything -- not if you ask the right questions *everything*! everything that you've wanted i have done. You ask that the child be taken. I took him. You coward before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for *you*! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations of me. Isn't that generous? I'd say goblin king take my little brother...haha.. he'd give danny back right away so i wouldnt be so worried..lol. not to mention i would love to look as lovely as Jennifer connely, especially when she was at the masquerade. i love to be at a place so mysterious. but hmmm WHO WANTS TO HAVE A MOVIE DAY. just chillax and watch awesome movies like the labyrinth, dark crystal, cry baby....

the ocean blows, it whispers in my ear the songs of the tide and ship wrecked sea. the waves slowly inviting me in. gently tugging at my feet. so soft and so cold yet so deathly and dangerous. the mysteries it must bear. the vast emptiness it shows. as i slowly enter the waves wrap around me holding me close, almost to close, with bittersweet pleasure i continue to progress. telling myself to not look back. just a few more feet. i emerse in the water holding my breath. little by little i feel the urge to rise thinking on life and all things past. i realize its so worth while. in a struggle i surface breathing in heavily taking in the scenery and all that i once took forgranted.

my thoughts are on what was there... its true im thinking.. so very hard. i seem very lost in them now. i dont want to to say the wrong words. or make the wrong actions. im usually a spur of the moment person. but i seemed to have grown alot in the last couple of years. i take caution in walking on egg shells. cant i just be everything!!! reality... i cant.

1)an extremely goddess like figure who boys will line up to tie her shoes for her. She has an amazing death stare and will not put up with being called a priss. Because she is a GODDESS Dude, man, i totally got to tie anastasia's shoes for her ! A Russian girl, most likely blonde, very beautiful, with a gorgeous body. A very good friend, the type you're never embarrassed in front of because you know she has a nastier mind than you do. You'll tend to have many dirty inside jokes with her.

as we all know haiti has had a devestating disaster.. this is a band called BOYCE AVENUE.. and i think they are pretty amazing... they are supporting hope for haiti.. i think haiti should be in all of our prayers..

somehow im so emotional yet so.... dead. i resist all feeling, im told "its not healthy to keep it all inside". i hate that when im upset, angry or sad that i dont know why. when someone asks me whats wrong all i can say is "i dont know". and most dont believe me and press the issue. but if i have nothing to tell you what can i do. i never cry.. ever.. i hate it. i dont mind when other people do. but for me to cry, its like the ultimate no, no. but there was a day when thats all i did.. i weeped and cried. i havent been like that in so long. it was the littlest things. songs. or thoughts. just anything made me tear up. when i was asked "crying makes you feel better doesnt it?" truth is for me it really doesnt. though i wish i could be one of those girls who can just crawl into someones arms and shed these unwanted nothings.. but i dont know how. i dont know how to talk. i dont know how to let anyone know whats going through my head. i honestly wish i could...

they say theres beauty in the let down.. i completely know what the let down is.. but i cant ever seem to find the beauty. chasing false hopes and dreams. running around in circles. never knowing where to start or end. misguided tour guides tell you which way to go and why. they are there for the money. generally their advice isnt at all for your benefit. make your own path. dont trud behind some long lost washed up wannabe hero. run when everyone else is walking. lauch when noone else seems to be smiling. the warmth of your smile is infectious... (even if you say you dont know how to smile :] ) dont let others define who you are. your the one who should smooth out your own rough edges. if you fall (which we all know is easy), jump back up and push twice as hard. mistakes happen, thats part of being alive but dont just linger in your fault. realize what you have learned and keep that as a help to others. im not writing this to inspire others or tell anyone else what they should...

I remember even our faces hide reflections of so much more Wake up in the mornin feelin like P. Diddy

I pray that im not one of those girls.. the ones you talk about.. the ones who are angry at the world.... but then again i do secretly wonder if you ever do write about me....

so i know a girl , shes 15 years old. and because she wouldnt do "sexual" things with her ex-boyfriend he broke up with her. i tell her shes too young for a boyfriend. enjoy your young life while you can. doont put yourself in all this boy drama.. he (her ex-boyfriend) had a new girlfriend and she has become pregnant. i tell this girl that i know "see that could have been you" she says that the pregnant girl and her friends are making fun of her.. calling her a lesbian.which she dresses in hollister shirts and skinny jeans. she is a little plain but if you dont have someone in your house showing you how to be girlie well you do what you know. so i tell this girl i know lets go to the mall. so arcelia and i take this 15 year old to the mall we make her try on mounds of clothes and find something that makes her look very very femmie.. on tuesday we are cutting her hair and showing her how to do her make up. lets see what these girls have to say when we are done with h...

some nights i just feel inadequat...im unable to sleep though im sooo very tired i figured i'd write a lil something.. im actually angry at myself and my appearance. i feel huge.. and I KNOW every female complains they are fat.. but today it just gets to me... i want to be beautiful. i want to be able to fit in a freakin size 5 jean and not wonder if ill ever pull out that 2 piece again. trust me its been hiding for about 6 years now.. i dont want to have to worry about gaining weight or someday becoming grossly obese.. though i know i would never allow that to happen. i would honestly starve myself before that came about.. but right now i want to be that other person. the one i just saw in those pictures.. or at least that size... my everything is just tooo big.. everything except my self esteem... time to get down to business and get rid of all this grossness.. (i know that cant be a word). tear.... * p.s. even when your just joking those fat jokes still get to me...