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life update

My hiatus has been necessary. But believe me I have missed this place.. It seems this is where I come to clear my head. Turns out I won't be going to Hawaii for personal reasons. I may get into it at a later time. I am happily living in Iowa with my family awaiting Christmas and loathing the cold. I have learned more about myself in the last 6 months than I have in a lifetime; at least that's how it seems. I have learned to be happy and discovered so much about myself. I work two jobs and love them both. I work hard to get where I need to be and do what I have to do. I am a survivor and I take pride in that. My walls were crumbling and just as I thought the debris was going to crush me I looked up and saw that there was so much more I was missing behind those walls. I am running forward and doing all the things that I was not able to do. Grabbing and taking advantage of the things that come my way. Here is a little look into my world
first picture in the new house. AJ Torres do…
Recent posts

National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I must say that means something to me. More than something. It is said that every 9 seconds in the US alone a woman is assaulted or beaten. That is a horrifying truth. What had happened to this world. I know that this kind of treatment has been around dating back to biblical times but it just seems to be disgustingly ramped these days. Where is the respect parents should be teaching their children? Where is worth?
It saddens my heart to know many of us women have to go through this daily. I can only speak from personal aspects but as a child I saw the affects a man can have on a woman. Diminishing her until she lost her value. She meant nothing to herself. Imagine words spewing like venom, telling lies like "no one else will love you", "Who else would want you?", "You're worthless." Many women have to live with this type of degrading reality. Yes we can set our worth but when you hear the same th…

aut viam inveniam aut faciam - I will either find a way or make one

Spending the night listening to his amazing voice and journaling. I really feel like this may get the things I need to get out, out. I find that Everything tends to hit me at the weirdest of times. I want to cry when I least expect it. It just creeps up and scares the heck out of me. I really do hate feelings sometimes.. If I am honest I can't even figure out what is the pin point of my sadness. Yes there is a big picture but what is the real reason? So my journal is filling up pretty quickly with some kind of message from my heart. Even so I am afraid to be completely honest. Little by little, day by day I know I will discover it all.
In other news, I have acquired 2 jobs. I have a feeling I may be tired for some time but it will be so worth it. I embrace the busy schedule and the ability to achieve things which is my ultimate goal. Fulfill some dreams. whether it be concerts or cosplay.. or something even bigger that I will keep to myself until I get there. I am making time for…

bedtime music, can you see what kind of mood i am in. ;)

peaceful freedom

I've found freedom in what's broken
little pieces of shrapnel being remolded together.
My heart is free to skip those little beats,
my lips are capable of lifting into a smile.

I have found my strength in the piled garbage
Just needed to do a little sifting.
Beauty has once again been returned to me.
Confidence runs through these veins.

No more condemning eyes
no more sly remarks.
I'm passed the empty backlashes
and gritting teeth.

It's remarkable, what a little time can bring you.
what delight you can once again find in the simple.
I remember how to breathe (inhale-exhale)
my steps are patterned by my own desire, not that of another's.

I have taken my liberty and I have decided to run
I will not be drawn back or distracted.
Wasted time is no longer an option.
I belong to me. I am mine.

On this day I declare peaceful freedom. My name is Anastasia and that means something. I will surely rise again. I was chosen for this day and age. I was chosen to live the life…

ramblings about females and swear words

I have found myself to be quite sexist on certain things. Like swear words.. I really don't care about them when a man says them, unless it is just too much. Like every other word.. that just gets old. But when a woman, girl, female whatever has a potty mouth it really, really bugs me. I find it un-lady like and just not classy. I feel we as women should hold ourselves up and choose to be respectable. For years my sex wanted to be on the same level as a man but do we really need to sound and look like them? I feel men are supposed to be the man! If I am in a relationship I certainly do not want a man who sounds girlier than I do or I don't want to sounds more manly than he is. We really should stop referring to each other as Bitch, Hoe, Hooker, etc. I mean if we don't respect each other who will. You do not look tougher saying the F bomb. Now I am not saying that it is completely off limits but just keep it limited! Be beautiful inside and out. A bad mouth and attitude can…