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Showing posts from April, 2011

concrete walls

concrete walls
Sometimes pushing you away is so much easier
Securing my walls with concrete and metal.
Theres a tragic beauty in building the impossible
but also a menacing aching in being locked in.

I don't believe in relaxing.
I've been fighting and pushing for far too long.
I don't even know what clarity is anymore.
i missed the lesson on being depentdent on anyone.

Maybe one day your love will be music to my ears
Your hope the window in my empty room.
Someday your generosity i will accept.
Maybe I'll learn people don't always have alterior motives.

I bleed with need but cringe at the though of needing.
My eyes glisten with envy as I see what could possibly be.
Then I soak in the reality of who I am
What I've become inside, who I have lost with my walls

I'll just keep running, hiding.

my beautiful friend tanya wrote this.

Here's a little something inspired by the movie "For Colored Girls" 

You were..
the perfect dream
the tissue
that wiped my tears
the embrace
that silenced my fears
You. . .
you were strong
like iron and gold
filling my life
with colors
my eyes
had never known
your existence made life...easy
or so it seemed
your smile
melted the sun
the love
in your eyes
spoke words
only your soul could speak
to me
so tell me, love
why do your eyes
no longer
glisten with love?
why does your embrace
no longer have presence
or warmth?
why do oceans
pour from eyes?
why does
my soul ache
at the thought...of you?
Tell me...
man of strength
why you've raped me from my joy,
leaving me
and alone
in the cold
to die
why doesn't my love
no longer quench your thirst?
when did my presence lose its you?
tell me..why
you painted
a picture
of false safety
only to capture my heart
and abandon me?
why does death
seem to drown me
while I'm living?
you took my heart
and abused it
willing took my love
and used …

Without You - AJ Rafael (NEW Original)

living in dreams sucks..

to all the sleepless nights i have dreaming of you
the jealousy of the truth compels me to live in fantasy.
i dont want to be the figment of your imagination.
the stories in your books seem like the only place i can come alive.
I've burned any line of forbidden crossings.
Leaping from moment to moment
Holding on to every captivating word slured from your mouth.
How easily my heart skips a beat.
If only the keys were that easy to find.
A promise of protection
The hope of everlasting.
I wear a smile of longing
And a frown of disappointment
Because it's just another day I have to face without you.


I feel like I keep making a pattern of being away and coming back.. Goodness I'm usually more put together than this. As most of you know I live on the East coast in North Carolina. On the 16th of this month (last Saturday) there were recorded to be 62 tornadoes between here and South Carolina. The last time there were a large amount of tornadoes was in 1985 with a count of 40 something. Just so you understand how rare they are here, there are no tornado sirens because they feel there isn't a need. The only reason we knew one hit here in Jacksonville was because a friend of mine called us and told us that it hit where she lived, which is less than a couple minutes away. That day the power was turned off early and we went most of the night without it. It was pitch black here. We are talking you walk outside and you couldn't see the houses across the street. The aftermath was something I have never seen before and I come from the Midwest down in tornado valley. Here are some…

the "C" word

This was not written by me but one of my friends posted it on facebbook.
I found it quite interesting and agreeable. Enjoy [LUV] Anastasia.

Another lesson in romantics for all you guys.

If there’s one thing all boys, guys, and men should know, it’s that women do not enjoy being called the C-Word … and I’m not talking about cunt.

Cute: Possessing physical features, behaviors, personality traits or other properties that are mainly attributed to infants and small or cuddly animals.

Cute is for children under the age of 12. Cute is for little girls with pigtails riding pink bikes with streamers. Cute is for rainbows, bunnies, and fluff.

Men tend to use this word because it is “safe”. It’s not too forward, but yet makes a point. The point is: “cute” is a horrible safe word. Good-looking is safe and definitely tops cute. “Pretty” is also a much better alternative. Sure, it may be a little cliché but at least it doesn’t associate the woman with small or cuddly animals.

Pretty: Pleasing by delicacy …

Dear moon. Signed aimless wanderer

Dear moon shining brightly on me,
Show this lonely girl her prince charming.
I want to be the apple of his eye
And no matter how things are, he would never intentionally make me cry.
When I speak I would  like is undivided attention.
And when he is with his friends its my name he mentions.
He carries my hand in his with pride
He let's me know the joy I've brought to his life.
May his world be lit from my smile
And five minutes without me seems such a long while.
In a room full of beautiful women, he turns and let's me know he chose me over all of them.
His heart, I had to work for to win.
I believe in forever,
So dear moon may he say goodbye, NEVER .

My life in pictures


Your mysterious allure, it captivates my curiosity.
I shutter at thoughts and dreams.
Licking my lips, my imagination runs wild.
All of the "what ifs" seem to play like movies in my head.
Like those endless roles of film that get better as they go on.
I question the very fabric of your being.
It would be hard for you to live up to my incredible expectations.
Living in just my dreams, makes me want to sleep forever.
I catalog each and every facial expression and motion.
The caress of your hand breaks every negative emotion that's bottle up in this catacomb of a chest.
If there was a prince charming you would be him in the flesh.l