my dear friend miss Tanya wrote this.. she always seems to write in away that touches my soul.. she is truely blessed with a gift.
Before you take the time to read this Psalm that I've written I'd like to ask you to go to this link and play the music in the background as you read this Psalm out loud. I pray that as you read this that your hearts be touched by the Holy Spirit of God. Hope, Faith, and Love ... these are the things I wish for you and yours
Like a burning lily consumed with flames I was pulverized by my iniquity
Suffocating from my decision making
Burning, burning without a ray of hope
Dying, dying without a helping hand
Starving, with the reflection of my demoralized self eating away at the tissue of my organs
My inner thighs were screaming, screaming from the abuse I insisted they endure
Aching, my most precious treasure, left aching from the torment I suffered it
Eyes filled with tears, heart cold and almost completely hardened
im told look at the world through anothers eyes but the others eyes are blind. is it darkness thats to surround me am i to embrace this the obscure path. their hand reaches out to lead me but i recoil at the very thought. we are at a crossroads and i must choose. this affliction pounds on me like a hammer to a nail. every swing is pushing me further and further. the chasm is here.. it extendes toward my soul. my breath is extracted from my lungs. my hearts ceases beating the world begins to stop. i realize this nightmare... will continue to knock.
I havent written much on my trip to Honduras and I'm not exactly sure why. Here is my first attempt. The one outreach that sticks out in my mind and I'm sure everyone else's was when we went to CASITA MUJERES. It was a "home" for young girls from the ages of maybe 6-18. On this day Pastor Chace asked me if I would give my testimony. Now in my head I'm thinking "are you serious" but I of course say yes. This is my first time ever to give the story of what made me who I am today. That whole day I was so nervous, anyone who knows me also knows that I'm not one to really get nervous about anything. Just the thought of exposing who I am to a whole crowd of people including those from church and my siblings, it just made me feel vulnerable. Our bus is driving on down the road to our destination when we notice a traffic jam. Great it's already hot and sweaty and now there is no movement for the air to circulate through the bus. I guess it was exactl…
as of lately i havent felt motivated to do much of anything.. i need to find a hobby.. blah.. and im seriously considering art school.. though what can i really do with it.. though i know there are alot of things i am working up to right now.. and i am excited for it.. though its not coming fast enough.. i always say patience is a virtue.. but... its just taking soooooo long!! also sometimes people just cant take the nice hint that im not interested.. if im not answering you its because i dont want to talk to you. stop trying.. i know that some girls like to be chased but im not one of them.. just do your thing and i will do mine.. sorry pretty soon im gonna have to get mean about it.. and that wont be pretty and then you seriously wont like me.. but o well you gotta learn somehow..
i have been really distant from everyone.. and i like it.. i get tired of people.. i mean i like it and i dont.. i feel like i lost a spark that i used to have but i know more now than i used too..
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so this day i have been blogging in the sioux city journal. its so funny how the subject of the Human Rights Commission can be turned into an argument for equal rights for gays. when NOONE is denying their right to anything. wow can we act anymore childish? is it possible for people who are affiliated with certain groups or churches to inssure equal rights to those whom live a different lifestyle..? of course. you can insure rights to anyone. it shouldnt matter what race, sex, religion, sexual orientation, ect.. you can still make sure that they are in fact being treated fairly. people make me mad when they say you cant because of you religious beliefs.. as long as you are lawfully doing your job then there should be no concern, no problem. but to put a persons character under question, thats playing with fire.. and generally when you play with fire you will get BURNED..
though i will disappoint all of YOU.. i am made for this.. you will see.. <3 i will not live a day of regret for my decision.. though you wont know it till its made.. its the best way.. and the worst way all the same.. and im content with it... surprises... the excitement i get when i think about it.. its coming.. its almost here..