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Showing posts from August, 2013


Anticipation, waiting.
watching for my wish upon a shooting star kind of night.
the moment to dance in the rain.
for the courage to sing in a crowd.

the thought of time never being there,
the hope i hold, will it pass or will i hold on to it like life.
will i get the chance to be super woman
to light the dark.

expectations, failure is not an option.
shattered dreams sewn together with floss.
beating heart that sounds like a drum
bouncing nerves shake my knees to the ground.

air leaves my lungs, burning deep inside.
waking up to the silence the murmurs so loud in my hear
whispering lies and lonliness
strange how this feels comforting.

He is We

Tonight is a He is We night. If you don't know who they are you are missing out. But that may be the sappy girl in me. They are considered Indy Pop and got started on social media. How awesome the internet can be for discovery. Somehow I just love the rain songs :)

our july in the rain
blame it on the rain

it on the rain

kiss it better

fifth harmony

Placebo running up that hill

late night thoughts

I have come to the point in my life where I am starting a new chapter. Not just any chapter. it's one I feel that will define where and what I do for the rest of my life. I am a mess right now and I know I have to figure out where the tracks to my life are but once I get on you better believe there is no stopping me. I have goals that I have decided to set and I am going to write them down, try to carry them with me everywhere I go just as a reminder that I am working for something. There is always a reason for things and why they happen. I may not know what comes next but I will embrace it with as much as I can. Refocus my life. I know that pain is for a reason and only for a season. I just hope this season passes quickly. I have to keep telling myself that change is a good thing even if its painful. Eventually I hope I can be completely honest on here but for right now I have to keep some discretion. I need complete healing but I don't really know how to get it. My God is bi…

Micheal Castro "In Pieces"

I gave you all that i had  you took it all for granted shattered all our chances and left me there in fragments well maybe there's a piece of me  that hasn't healed completely maybe i still care about you but that don't matter now.....
don't you see there's not another chance there's no sense of going back to where it all began Don't you understand I had to learn to love again Now let my heart rest in pieces.

top 5 English songs this week

1) Panic at the Disco- this is gospel (lyrics- Cause these words are nice enough to leave scars
                                                                      For fear of falling apart
                                                                     And truth be told I never was yours
                                                                     For fear for fear of falling apart)

2)Madean- The city (I want to participate in this kind of war. how much fun would it be!)
3)Paramore- Now (love the video)

4) Del Amitri- Roll to me
5)Mr. Big- to be with you (one of my all time favorites)

dear apathy where are you?

I scramble trying to fix myself. Trying to kick back the desire to just bleed.  all day i was fine and then when night falls i fall to pieces.  pathetic little dull pieces. The line i have drawn seems to have split me into two. My head screams and my body aches. I don't even really know how to feel, how not to feel.. am i supposed to be crying like this??? am i supposed to be angry and disgusted. disgusted with who i am. disgusted with how i feel. My rage yells at my weakness. Worth, what is self worth anyways. I know we shouldn't base it on what others see... but lets be honest that's what we do. We look to others for direction. we measure our selves with what people tend to see.  life's full of hurts and disappointments. that i know but when does it stop. when can there just be some peace. every time i try and sew up one seeping wound another tends to open. why can't i just lose my heart and never find it again i don't want feeling. or emotion. Why is emptin…

songs that i am listening to.. im a mess

baby Walter

This probably one of the saddest stories I have read in a long time. I feel for this family and what they are going through. the loss of anyone especially a child is brutal. But I appreciate them showing that at just 14 weeks a baby is a baby. They have a body, blood running through veins at just 3 weeks you can see the eyes and spinal chord. that's 3 whole weeks. most women don't know they are pregnant for at least a couple months. A heartbeat. I can never truly understand why anyone would choose to take their child's life. I know some will argue rape but in reality are less then 1%. take that from more than 1 million abortions performed every year. How much longer will we say life is not valuable? No one wants to hear about what really happens to these beautiful children. There are countless pictures that clearly show these babies in agony. Whether its from being ripped apart or from being stabbed in the head and collapsing the skull. Why is it that its ok for a mother t…

Kansas city

Love these things! plus my hair looks super long.

 Tapioca pearls so I can make bubble tea  the really awesome Asian market in Kansas City  I love macarons  My first time at noodles and company  Christian and I  My bug
Look at this hipster  my totally awesome shirt  Daniel and I  Is this sign absolute or can we test it.  my siblings being weird  Santa!

 such a long day  bun head