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Showing posts from May, 2010

the raven.. Edgar Allan Poe
so somedays i spend my time on ETSY.COM looking at all the wonderful things i cant have at the moment.. but there are some amazing artist out there.. sigh this is my new discovery that i think fits my personality very well..
its completely gorgeous.. and it reminds me of one of my favorite poets Edgar Allan Poe. he was quite a disturbed man but an exceptional writer. it reminds me of the poem "the raven"

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; -…

wake up

this is where im lost in translation
the wonders of your world.
i slowly exercise my right to free speech
yet they try and tell me what i can and cannot say.
without law there is no order
with law the fine line of right and wrong continues to blur.
we no longer hold ourselves to valid morals and ethics.
we distort the truth.
make convenient anything and everything.
take money from the "rich" (hard workers) to give to the "poor" (lazies)
and we call this ok.
everyone is looking for a free dime here or there.
pasts have proven socialism to be nothing but and endless road to distruction.
you are participating in the end of the land of the free and the brave.
i will not stop fighting for the America that is being lost.
Its still there peaking its head out from under the rubble.
"i'm here it (America) calls, please save me from the people who practice idiocracy."

wordless everything

well sunday is flyleaf.. i want to go but we'll see im thinking if we leave right avter drama we will get there to see them.. it will be my 2nd time seeing them. Lacey puts on a great performance.. it will be in sioux falls...

Location: Ramkota Exhibit Hall
Street: 3200 W Maple Street
City/Town: Sioux Falls, SD

6:00pm Doors
7:00pm Fair to Midland
8:00pm 10 Years
9:30pm FLYLEAF

whoot whoot


slightest slip of the hand
and her world was maticulously hanging on string.
all the up's were down's
and her in's were completely out.
left was never right..
her misplaced agony eats her from the inside..
the raging war that seeps between her inards..
her heart crumbles slightly with every passing minute..
every word that spews from your mouth cuts her deeper
than the blade ever did.
how that would feel so nice though.
watching blood as it seeps where it needs to be.
how precious breath seems to be now that theres none.

bleeding heart

my heart bleeds.
licking my own self inflicted wounds ..
am i right or am i wrong.
the most important choices
are the ones we dont want to make.
the ones we always tend to give a second glance.
im preparing to be swallowed in my dark hole.
just for a moment, maybe a lil while longer.
every once in awhile peaking my head out for air.
still it does not suffice this breathless feeling.
im choking on whats left.
they say time heals everything..
well time please move a lil faster..


i know you..
i know your better than you give yourself credit for.
dont let them bring you down..
im screaming for your attention.
you dont want to go that way.
oh God why dont they listen?

here we go again with the pity party.
has that ever helped you?!?!
stop looking and dwelling on the negative.
you will never leave where your at if you dont let go.
stop with the "poor me speech" its ridiculous.
get up and stand tall you have so much to live for.

and there you go again..
right back from where you just came.
this is why people give up on you
you never let them see you succeed
you ALWAYS give up and let go..
failure is now written on your lips
like a plague.


im not a person who writes happiness well. this is my feeble attempt. throughout everything in life i have made my own plans, trampled on anything God put before me and chose to try and make my own path. Time and time again I would fall scrape my knees and keep crawling in all the dirt and grime. I would suffer thanks to my own stubborness. I always fought and argued, I kept telling Him (God) that i knew so much better than He. I have hurt Him time and time again and STILL He chose to pursue me. He chose not to give up as so many others have.
One day I woke up and scolded myself. The guilt kept eating me. I will live for Him the rest of my days. Even if it means letting go of things that seem the hardest. Even when people dont understand my decisions and why.. in the end it will be better for me and those people.
Jesus i just want to thank you for all You have done in my life, what You are doing, and what You will do in my life. Thank You for the blessings You have given me. The peace Y…

day at the park


a new direction has come. im leaning on to a new life my mistakes are gone.. im wiped clean they cant hold me down.. misery no longer haunts me. i reached out to You in my darkest hour You lifted my head whispered "i love you my dear" and You opened your arms and held me so near. once i was empty, lost and in need but when i seen You and all that You are, i no longer bear pain, no not even a scar.

foolish little girl; by tanya amidei

this was not written by me... but by my long lost friend in New York.. she is an amazing writer and poet. she amazes me a little everyday..

He touched me without touching me at first
Dude spoke so smooth I thought for sure there was no room for deception
So after time I gave into my misperception
Eyes so blind nothing seemed like something to me; Eve eating from the forbidden tree
He could be one, two, and three
and I could be his Queen; false reality
He could never love me, yet he loved what I'd bring
His heart not available, but his body free
He loves her, not me
I hear him secretly call out her name while he uses me emotionally and physically
No wait,even better that was his heart beating her name
And yet I was the one in their sheets screaming his name
such a shame
he picked me up like a clean white towel
and used me until I started to smell like his bowels
Soul shaking
Mind racing
Body paining
yet I still craved his "love"
so I prayed, God, tell me one day he will wake up

the ugly monster

shes got the most imperfect smile
with eyes that can light up the night sky.
her imperfection is your madness
and in this you spin wildly.
your heart beats in time with hers
grasping what is claimed to be love.
thats such a dirty little lie.
they have convinced you of this
great knock off also known as lust.
it lurks up and hits you square on the jaw.
how can something so perfect be NOTHING at all.


i want YOU to listen to "old fashion letters" by jason reeves... i dedicate this to YOU


my insides are eating me from the inside out.. im caught between it and i dont know what to do.. im scared worried and confused.. o the choices we make and the people they affect. where do i go from here.. what do i say how do i do this.. im aching from the depths of my soul... please make the right decision.. follow your heart and do what you have to do... the more i think on it the more unsure i am.. now i think i've lost it all.. but for what?? what do i gain. i feel like a stinkin roller coaster that just keeps going and going.. its making me sick... i cant change how i feel.. i wanted it forever.. please dont make me say no.... i hope i didnt miss out on my chance..

throughout it...

you are restored..

I find myself realizing how wrong i have been. how selfish and inadequate ive MADE myself to be. yes its true i have done it by my own decisions. my heart heart breaks yet its renewed. My God is more than amazing. if only you my friends could find what i have.. what im still chasing after.. what i'll be forever chasing. He is my comforter and my shield.. though even at this moment He repremands me for the wrong i need to correct. no matter what it would be impossible for me to turn away from Him. my heart is being worked on it ways that are uncomfortable and at times seems impossible to handle. i can honestly say i dont like it at times. i find myself crying and feeling things i have blocked for so many years. i am greatful for it. i need my heart softened in so many ways.. He is breathing His life inside of me.. i was once told God was going to use me in a wonderful way, the same man told me "learn spanish if you don't know it". i do know spanish and i am soon to be…

tough decisions

i hate making them, yet lately they seem to come around every corner...
cant i just be little again and have someone make them for me..
life has alot of right and wrongs but sometimes the right things
are the hardest to do... we'll see how all this goes..
Dear Lord, give me peace and guide my way. let me not sleep eat or drink until i do what i know is right... I know You are good and know whats in store for my life... even if at the moment i dont agree with it.. You are my rock and i shall not waver... thank you Daddy for guiding my steps.. AMEN

aqui estoy yo...

aqui estoy yo... no tienes que buscar a nadien mas... aqui estoy yo... mi vida es para ti... aqui esta mis manos aqui esta mi voz... lyrics by Jesus Adrian Romero... but i love it...