Friday, March 23, 2012

friends

What is a true friend? Lately I have been thinking deeply about this. Growing up, I've always considered myself to be a good friend (when you are a friend). Of course I've had my selfish moments but who hasn't? It's what makes us human. I didn't listen when I should, or noticed when someone was hurting because I was so focused on myself. But for the most part I was always the one on the front lines willing to fight every ones battles for them. My mentality was and still is "you mess with my friends, you mess with me". I've gotten a lot smarter though on choosing what battles I should get into. You get yourself in a mess over and over again and still don't learn your lesson, there is nothing I can do for you. The older I get the more I have noticed that I seem to be the only one who thinks like this. I know that's not completely true but it feels like it. I would take the fall for things my "friends" did, all the while thinking they would be there to do the same for me. Every friend (besides a small hand full) that I thought I would be friends for life with drifted away. Some just from growing up, I know it happens. But too many were just done. I had nothing else I could give them I guess. I was no longer useful and they went away. I finally came to realize people are just too selfish to stick around. No one understands what it means to be a "lifer" anymore. My heart grew bitter and I decided I'm worth more than someones moment. I have learned to be EXTREMELY selective about who comes inside my walls. And even when i give you an inch you should expect to work for the mile. Don't get me wrong I love to meet new people. I can get along with almost anybody but I tend to keep people at arms length. It helps save from the little heartaches.
In my opinion a real friend is someone who is there no matter how uncomfortable the fire around you may get. Even in the darkest days, they help you walk through until you get to the light. They are the help you can depend on and not feel like a burden. No friendship can thrive without honesty. You shouldn't be afraid to open up no matter how shameful or guilty you feel. These are the people who, even if you haven't seen in in years you can pick up like no time has passed. The people who when being with them you feel like you're in the right place. Real people who don't just talk but live what they say.
I love the ones I call friends and I am so very thankful to have the handful I have. God has placed them in my life for a purpose. Each and everyone has taught me a little about myself and have given me something from them.