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heart a break

I am a big Demi Lovato fan. I know, what a confession. But I look at her as a person not just a celebrity. It is because she and I have had some similar problems so when I hear a song I like from her its easy to relate.

"Don't wanna break your heart
Wanna give your heart a break
I know you're scared it's wrong
Like you might make a mistake
There's just one life to live
And there's no time to waste, to waste"


I know this is about her trying to convince someone to let her love them but I would rather turn it around. How many times have I had that moment when I said I'd NEVER let anyone else in. Of course after every heart break. The times when someone decided I was no longer what the wanted. I wasn't good enough or they were officially bored. Every time I would say to myself, " this time I've learned my lesson, this time I'm done. I can't do this again." I step back and try to recuperate my heart. How conveniently would someone else come along with a convincing line or story. Someone who would fool me that this time would be different. He is not like the others. On and on it went. You always hope that maybe this person will ease the bleeding of the last laceration, but you find they only leave you cut deeper. I do believe that you allow people to have power over you. Its hard not to. But I also believe in not letting others getting satisfaction in seeing you in pain. So fake it until you mean it baby!! It might be a little twisted but it's a coping mechanism. The more you pretend you are good the less they think they have had an impact on you. They will, in the end feel like they must have been unimportant. This might hurt their pride. Oh freakin well!!! What I have gained from these unfortunate relationships is how to close myself off. Always on the defense. Wondering what peoples motives are for talking to me. For wanting to get to know me. In my eyes people always have a questionable reason until I am proven differently. In other words you have to work to get into my heart, my mind, my true friendship. Each and every person who walks into your life has some kind of impact on your life and how you are. 

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bedtime music, can you see what kind of mood i am in. ;)