jiggle jello

some nights i just feel inadequat...im unable to sleep though im sooo very tired i figured i'd write a lil something.. im actually angry at myself and my appearance. i feel huge.. and I KNOW every female complains they are fat.. but today it just gets to me... i want to be beautiful. i want to be able to fit in a freakin size 5 jean and not wonder if ill ever pull out that 2 piece again. trust me its been hiding for about 6 years now.. i dont want to have to worry about gaining weight or someday becoming grossly obese.. though i know i would never allow that to happen. i would honestly starve myself before that came about.. but right now i want to be that other person. the one i just saw in those pictures.. or at least that size... my everything is just tooo big.. everything except my self esteem... time to get down to business and get rid of all this grossness.. (i know that cant be a word). tear.... *

p.s. even when your just joking those fat jokes still get to me...