Skip to main content

jiggle jello

some nights i just feel inadequat...im unable to sleep though im sooo very tired i figured i'd write a lil something.. im actually angry at myself and my appearance. i feel huge.. and I KNOW every female complains they are fat.. but today it just gets to me... i want to be beautiful. i want to be able to fit in a freakin size 5 jean and not wonder if ill ever pull out that 2 piece again. trust me its been hiding for about 6 years now.. i dont want to have to worry about gaining weight or someday becoming grossly obese.. though i know i would never allow that to happen. i would honestly starve myself before that came about.. but right now i want to be that other person. the one i just saw in those pictures.. or at least that size... my everything is just tooo big.. everything except my self esteem... time to get down to business and get rid of all this grossness.. (i know that cant be a word). tear.... *

p.s. even when your just joking those fat jokes still get to me...

Popular posts from this blog

Oh Me Oh My

Life, its been quite the journey. As much as I've wanted to get back at this again, I have also been avoiding it. There has just been so much that has happened from my time in North Carolina until now. This is somewhat of a recap I suppose. I left NC with a lot of unwanted baggage. I say this in the most metaphorical way possible.
As most of you all know. I was married to a marine and we lived out in Camp Lejeune. It was a pretty awesome stay as far as the friends and opportunities I had.  Unfortunately it was short lived due to my ex-husband not being a very nice person and to some of the PTSD he suffered from that went untreated. Basically the relationship was toxic and abusive. So much so that I lost a lot of who I was in always being on the defensive and sticking up for myself. I'm not saying that is was all his fault. Just as in any relationship, both parties are responsible for nurturing or poisoning. So here I am almost 5 years later living my life and loving it.
      …

Love this! written by Tanya Amidei

Public Declaration; I NO longer believe in falling/being in love: As I was walking to work this morning I was convicted and reproved for ignorantly believing that I could "fall in love". Love is NOT something you fall into; this pulsing truth wouldn't silence. Now, you can imagine how I felt as the conviction in my heart arose; slightly defensive because certainly I've been defining love properly, right? So, I decided that it was my responsibility to pierce into the Word of my Father, and search to see if this concept of "falling in love" or "being in love" is something that I should indeed attach my life to. Now, it was to my surprise that this concept of emotional intoxication that motivates the lips to part and the tongue to say "I'm in love" is NOWHERE to be found! In fact, as I dug into research I found that this concept; the one I've been guilty of co-signing my name to, is nothing more than lust. Lust is built on what the …

bedtime music, can you see what kind of mood i am in. ;)